Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I hate being the center of Attention

I have to speak in church on Sunday. You would think after all the years I have been giving talks, teaching lessons, and even being a missionary and talking to random people on the street about Heavenly Father and Jesus that I would be good at it or at least not be scared each time I have to stand in front of people. In fact I would rather go out "fearlessing", as it was called in my mission, than have to speak in church. Maybe it is just easier for me talk to people I will most likely never seen again than to have to speak to people I do know and will see again and that I know could do such a better job.

 I admit when it is my turn to give Sharing Time in Primary I know, no matter how much I prepare, I still get all flustered  and it never goes as smoothly as I wish it would. I often go home and cringe at how stupid I felt and how badly it went over. Especially in Junior Primary. My goodness they are hard to teach some weeks!

So we were asked to speak almost 3 weeks ago. That is a long time to have this talk hanging over my head. A long time to think about the topic. That has actually been really nice. I have been able to focus my study on that subject and I feel like I have really learned something. But now the hard part comes. I actually have to organize my thoughts and then deliver them in front of a bunch of people.

I am just not a public speaker. I don't like having all eyes on me and in my head I can hear the criticism and laughter at my foibles.  I would much rather do my part in the church in the shadows or background.   I just really don't like being the center of attention.

So if you happen to be in our ward on Sunday feel free to tune me out. And then forget you ever heard me speak.  My husband's talk is sure to be way better than mine! And I know the choir is singing, so just listen to them and forget all about me.


Karen Flake Smith said...

Ryan has to give a talk at the end of the month. I can tell he is already nervous about it.

I feel EXACTLY the same way you do about public speaking. I HATE it when people say that the more you do it the easier it gets. NO. IT DOES NOT. :P

Bibliophile said...

Public speaking is NEVER easy, no matter how many times you do it. You do need to have a bit of stage fright because then you will be 'on your toes' and will do a better job. I feel like you do....give me anything to do that does not entail standing up in front of a group and speaking. When I was in a RS presidency I felt nervous every time, and the same with Primary. Sharing Time is always a headache. I have to play the organ this Sunday and I feel like you do....just ignore me and go on with singing.....

The Henry's said...

I have to tell you again how wonderful you did. You really inspired me to be more of a me too kinda girl!
And I feel the exact same way. Its odd how intimidating those little ones can be!! I was telling Tim today I always feel so dumb because I loose my train of thought so easily and feel like I always end up sounding stupid.