Monday, November 5, 2012

Sophie's Essay

Since we are part of a charter school we have certain things we are required to do every year. One of these things is a writing assignment. The school gives me a topic that is to be given to the kids as if it was a test (so no help from me). They do give me a practice topic also so I can go over what is expected in the assignment and give the kids an idea of what their paper needs to be about. For the boys they only have to do a paragraph but Sophie has to do a 5 paragraph essay. 

Since the test/assignment is due in about 2 weeks I figured it was a good time to do the practice. The assignment is to do a narrative essay. Sophie's topic was to pick a place she would like to travel and write an essay telling about the trip as if she had already gone. So with only minimal help from me (I helped her do a very brief outline.). Here is her finished essay. I had her type it up afterward. The actual assignment isn't supposed to be turned in typed. I thought it would be good practice for her.

“My Trip to Australia” 

 I was able to go to Australia for Christmas last year. When I boarded my plane, it was freezing outside. When I finally landed in Sidney it felt as if it was summer! I had to strip off my jacket and mittens it was so warm! I knew I would have a blast!  
The next day I went on what my guide called a “Walkabout.” As I hiked over the plains, I saw kangaroos bounding gracefully over the prairies, emu craning their necks to see what I was, and koalas snoozing happily in immense eucalyptus trees. I hiked and hiked and saw many other animals. As I clambered over a bridge, I saw a platypus slip into the water. At the end of the day I was exhausted and excited to see what would happen next.  
As the temperature was so warm, I spent Christmas at the beach. It was funny to think that I was swimming in seawater on Christmas day! While I was swimming, I saw a couple people walk up to a Santa and had their picture taken with him. Swimming on Christmas was fun and exciting at the same time! When the sun went down I went to my hotel to empty my Christmas stocking.  
I went to the Great Barrier Reef. I went snorkeling and saw colorful fish. I got so close to a manta ray I could almost touch it. I saw no sharks though. I saw a plentiful amount of coral, fish and other things. Exciting as it was, my stay was nearing its end.  
 I finally said good-bye to the sunny weather. It was sad when I left Australia. I wish I could stay forever! The experiences that I had were amazing! When I landed in my cold airport, I remembered my fun times Down-Under, and I hope I can go back soon.

I thought she did a great job on this essay and I could tell all those IEW writing assignments have left their mark. She used all sorts of strong verbs, threw in a number of adjectives and adverbs and just made the essay really fun. Even through this isn't the essay I turn in to the school for her assessment I am sure she is going to do just fine.


1 comment:

Bibliophile said...

I am impressed with Sophie's essay. She will do well on the real thing, I'm sure!